Islands in the Sun

In elementary school, I had a friend named Kerry. He had red hair like me. His mother was an elementary school teacher. One summer he invited me to their summer cabin for a couple of days. It was on a lake.

We had a great time. We went swimming, we rowed the boat on the lake, and we went exploring. Once during our exploring we came across something very interesting. It was a little island just off the shore. It was about two feet in diameter and just a couple of feet off shore. There were even plants growing on this little island.

This was the neatest thing I had ever seen. I decided that I would run, jump off the shore and claim my little island. Well I ran, jumped, and then went right through the island. I found myself standing armpit deep in water. This was no island at all. It was only a clump of floating peat moss. My clothes were soaked and I was covered in peat moss from head to foot!   

The Infamous Cherry Tomato Story

Around the time I started Kindergarten, I usually played with my friends Jeri and Darren. One day, however, I ended up playing with the kids across the street. After playing for a while, these new friends had a great idea. They suggested that we go to their next door neighbors' house (the one across the street from Darren) and pick their cherry tomatoes.

This was great fun and what was even better was that I got to take home what I had picked. I was so excited to show my mom the cherry tomatoes. Soon, however, I learned that I was not supposed to pick the neighbors' cherry tomatoes unless I had their permission. Therefore, Mom patiently but firmly explained, I needed to take the cherry tomatoes back.

It was a long walk across the street and up the stairs to the neighbors' front door. I knocked on the door and the man answered. I explained that I had picked his cherry tomatoes without his permission and therefore I was returning them. Much to my surprise and consternation, he told me that I should keep them. (“Yeah, but Mom told me to give them back to you.”) He finally convinced me that it would be OK to take them back to my mother. Mother understood and I learned a valuable lesson about honesty. (I like to think of it as my own mini version of the famous scene in Les Misérables.)

Funny, that’s the only time I ever remember playing with the kids across the street.

Mike vs. the Gopher

When I was a teenager, it was my job to fill in the holes that gophers made digging in our front yard. One time, my mother reminded me that I needed to fill in the latest batch of gopher holes before my father got home from work. He would be home soon, so time was of the essence.

Before I completed this assignment, I wanted to show my displeasure at having to fill in the gopher holes. I put my plan together. First I pulled aside my sister Janet. Janet was known for her ability to express great emotion. This ability was key to the success of the project. I instructed her to stand by the window in the dining room. From this position, she was close to Mom in the kitchen and could, simultaneously, see me outside. I told her that when I gave her the signal, she was to scream to Mom that something was attacking me. She readily agreed.

Next I put the other pieces of my plan together. My sisters each had a furry brown hat that would tie with cords that ended with what looked like round balls of fur. I grabbed one such hat and then went outside and secured a shovel. I tied the furry hat to my left ankle and positioned myself, shovel in hand, directly behind one of the gopher holes.

Janet was now watching from the dining room window. I gave Janet the cue to begin to scream. Simultaneously I started yelling, jumping up and down, and swinging the shovel wildly at the furry hat attached to my ankle.

Mom came running to the window to see what the commotion was about. She took the bait – hook, line and sinker. I looked up and saw that Mom had a look of complete horror upon her face. Once I saw her, I immediately stopped. I could not, in good conscience, continue. She clearly believed that I was in a life and death struggle with a man-eating gopher!

Luckily I still had time to fill in all the gopher holes before Dad came home.